


Would you love me, even now?

by nievereina



Category: Frozen (2013), Wicked - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Crossover Pairings, F/F, Kidnapping, PTSD, Rape, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 15:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1434247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nievereina/pseuds/nievereina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Elphaba finds Elsa curled naked and bleeding in the shower, a series of events unfold that will change the two friend's lives and their comfortable relationship forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an ongoing thread that I am rping with my good friend Steph. Everything written in Elphaba's point of view is her writing and not mine and she has given me permission to make our thread into a multi-chapter fic.

Beyond the physical pain, it was the emotional torment — the self-blame and self-loathing, that hurt the worst.

_If only I had waited for Elphaba instead of venturing out on my own._ _If only I had been stronger and able to fight him off._ _If only I could have reached my phone — called for help_

None of that mattered now though. Now she could do nothing but sit curled up in the shower, her torn clothes strewn outside the stall as the warm water beat down on her head and rivulets of bloody water swirled around the drain. She couldn’t even cry — the shock was still too great and all she could manage to do was clutch her knees to her chest as she sat there trembling — a glassy and faraway look in her eyes.

_Its all my fault._ _If only I had run faster — kicked harder…_

She didn’t even hear Elphaba enter her apartment or call her name, but the door of the bathroom banging open made her whimper in fright as she curled in on herself — blue eyes wide and terrified.

_No…please leave me alone. Go **away**._

 

The day had been far too long and bothersome, and Elphaba had slithered through the hall and kicked off her boots by the front door, not particularly minding where they came to a rest. What she hadn’t expected was that the entire apartment seemed to be shrouded in darkness, the lights off and the blinds still open, allowing for the street lights to cast stripes of dull ambiance that sent a vague chill up the green woman’s spine. But then she had heard it; The shower was running on full power, a thin sliver of light creeping out from beneath the closed bathroom door.

 Elsa was home, then. _Had she even heard her as she’d unlocked the door?_

 She called out for her, but she heard nothing in return. Only the endless patter of that steady jet of water behind the closed doors. No, this was not right. Something was severely wrong, that much was certain, and so she paced quickly down the hall to push against the door handle, to bathe herself in the bright light behind the painted wood.

"Elsa?"

The sight that welcomed her as she swung the bathroom door open sent her heart lurching up into her throat. Elsa curled up behind the clouded glass of the shower screen, half hidden behind the steamed surface.

For a brief moment, Elphie’s line of vision flickered down to the tiled floor, her attention caught by the unkempt way in which the pile of clothes there were strewn messily, slightly ragged and frayed and dirtied, and was that _blood?_  Elphaba’s mouth hung open, yet no sound came — nothing but a silent gasp. It was as though the shocking sight of faint crimson clearly running down the drain had stolen the air from her lungs, and she couldn’t replenish it. 

Instead she swiftly moved to kneel by the other woman’s side, hurriedly reaching for a towel that she could wrap securely around her, but the blonde looked shell shocked, and Elphaba was hesitant to touch her. 

 

As Elphaba came into her line of sight, Elsa relaxed, but only slightly. Truthfully, she could barely even see her. Everything seemed to be a blur and she couldn’t make any noise other than a terrified whimper. 

But as Elphaba moved toward her, she involuntarily shrunk away, trying to put as much distance between her and the other woman as possible. That harsh and panicked voice cut through the shock somewhat and she began to tremble violently, not even caring that she was sitting there naked in front of her friend and roommate. 

“Don’t  _touch_ me,” she managed, her voice hoarse and barely audible, but laced with terror obvious terror. 

Shrinking away from Elphaba, she tried scooting back across the tiles to press against the wall, but a choked gasp escaped her lips as the movement sent shooting pains through her body and the water ran red with fresh blood. 

The sight of it seemed to send her into a fresh wave of shock as tears began sliding down her cheeks, mingling with the water from the shower.

Elphie flinched, her razor sharp features contorting with an odd sort of disappointment as Elsa drew away from her, but she dared not move any closer. The powerful jets of water cascading over shuddering pale shoulders had little to do with it, though she knew she couldn’t abide touching it. That was of little concern, now.

“What’s wrong?” Elphaba nearly hissed in what could only be described as a panicked state. “Elsa—  _What happened?_ ”

 "Can’t you  _see_? Isn’t it  _obvious_?” 

Elsa couldn’t bring herself to say the words — it would make it all seem too real, and not like the horrible nightmare she had half convinced herself she was going through.

Looking up at Elphaba vaguely, she gave her a confused glance. 

”You are getting all wet.”

 "I don’t _care_  if I get wet,” the green girl whispered, her expression softening slightly with her own wounded admission of defeat.

She could almost feel the pain radiating from the blonde in waves. It oozed from every part of her — the way her eyes dulled, despite her fresh tears. The shake of her folded frame as she sobbed was enough to break Elphie’s heart. The sight of blood did nothing but provoke the nauseous feeling that squeezed at her insides, but none of that mattered in this moment.

In a flurry of green limbs, she leaped back up to her feet in order to switch off the shower, allowing herself to reach for the nearest towel and she knelt carefully beside Elsa, torn between wanting to keep her distance and gingerly enveloping her in soft, dry cotton. But she remembered the way in which the other woman pulled away from her, startled and terrified at the sight of her. For the first time, she was unsure of herself, unnerved and _afraid_. Her eyes darted back and forth between the towel clutched in her hands and her friend, and she held out a hand, as though seeking her permission.

And then anger struck her, somewhere in the back of her mind. Someone had  _done_  this.

 

Elsa looked up silently as Elphaba shut off the water, the tears still trickling down pale cheeks made even paler from shock. She shivered at the loss of the soothing warmth that the water had provided and for the first time it seemed to strike her that she was completely naked and vulnerable. 

Looking down, she could see the finger shaped bruises on pale flesh and the throbbing pain in her cheek left her in no doubt that her eye would soon swell and darken. Her breath was coming in short, ragged gasps as if she couldn’t suck in enough oxygen and as Elphaba held out a hand toward her, she could feel her pulse racing as her heart beat erratically in her chest. 

Her rational mind knew that Elphaba posed no threat and was only trying to help, but the violent assault she had endured was still fresh in her memory and she couldn’t help flinching at the other woman’s closeness.  She was growing steadily colder though, and the shame at being exposed to her friend like this made her cheeks burn. She hated being so weak and vulnerable — before  _Elphaba_ of all people. Pushing her irrational fear to one side, she reached out and took the towel from her friend’s hand, clutching it to her chest.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, her eyes downcast for she wasn’t able to meet the other’s gaze. 

Trying to rise from her position on the floor, she whimpered in pain, her eyes clenching shut tightly as she sunk back down, her hands trembling so violently she could barely hold the towel up. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes slightly, looking up at Elphaba.

”Can you help me?” she asked in a very small voice.

 

Elphaba forced her gaze to fix carefully on the clean white tiles, as Elsa gently took the towel from her hands. She couldn’t bring herself to take in that devastated look in her eyes — it was quite haunting, to see the obvious damage there. The hesitant, far off look she received in place of the playful spark in icy blue. That was gone, now. Snuffed out by an undoubtedly violent act, one that Elphie couldn’t even bring herself to think of.

Dark eyes slowly and regrettably glanced up after a brief moment. What she saw was enough to shake her, and enough to stoke the rage that burned on in the back of her mind. The rage that was reserved for whoever had had the nerve to do such a brutal thing.

With the towel clutched to her chest, Elsa looked like a wounded animal, shivering and unable to do much of anything. The green girl wanted to do _something_  — anything, if it would help in the slightest.

"Please. Tell me what I can do," she offered, her voice a hushed, gentle whisper.

It was a rarity for her, but this scenario was something she had never pictured in her mind, and so her panic had shot through her with an unnerving calm, though the way her entire body tensed gave it away in an instant.

 

Elsa was surprised at the gentleness in that usually indifferent or exasperated voice and she felt a pang of regret — regret that she had brought Elphaba into this at all — that she had to see her like this. Steeling herself, she looked up at her friend and held out one trembling hand, biting her lip as she did so.

”Can you please help me up? I can’t seem to be able to stand on my own.” 

Embarrassment and shame colored her face, the red stain mingling unpleasantly with the dark blue and purple of the spreading bruise on her cheek. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right where Chapter 1 left off.

Now that Elsa's initial shock was wearing off, the full force of what had happened was beginning to sink in and as she was helped to her feet, water and blood still dripping down her legs, she was hit with a wave of nausea that had her stumbling toward the toilet. She barely made it before she collapsed on her knees, the towel forgotten as she clutched the seat and vomited violently, her wet hair hanging about her face as her slender body shook with the force of her sickness.

The green woman managed to jerk back in time to allow Elsa to rush forward and fall to her knees, still dripping wet and shivering with an intensity that set Elphaba’s nerves on edge. She appeared paler than ever before, and that sickly sheen of her skin only served as a canvas for the bruises of purples and reds that smeared over her delicate features. The telltale signs that should never have been put there in the first place.

She couldn’t bring herself to approach her friend, as she hunched over the edge of the toilet. She couldn’t touch her. Not yet, not so soon after this. It was clear to her that any further contact would only push the poor woman over some unforeseeable edge.

When Elsa was finally finished, she pushed her hair back from her face with shaking hands, her skin now whiter than ever with an odd greenish tinge that made her look almost ghostly — her blue eyes large and dark and hollow.

”I’m sorry,” she whispered with a catch in her voice. ”I wish I could spare you all this. This isn’t something you should have to see…”

The only words Elphaba could seem to muster were a quivering whisper of “I should have been with you,” and that phrase echoed in the back of Elphie’s mind as soon as she let that one thought slip. Every mark, every finger print that had been seared into alabaster struck her with a stifling wave of guilt.

"I was supposed to be there for you.”

Her tone erupted in a gravelly sort of whisper that poured out in self loathing. She had never cared to think highly of herself, but now… now she was useless, and nothing more. It sickened her, to know that this could have all been prevented, and that there was nothing she could do to take away Elsa’s pain.

Shaking her head, Elsa stared at her friend with resigned eyes.

”You musn’t blame yourself…you have always been there when I needed you, and I need you now."

She had enough self-blame for both of them and she didn’t need Elphaba feeling that way. What she needed now was a friend who would ask no questions but just be there for her.

Picking up the fallen towel, she held it to her chest as she used her free hand to pull herself up, using the toilet as support. She still felt sick to her stomach and light headed from shock and the loss of bodily fluids, but all she wanted to do right now was sleep. Sleep and maybe forget about what had happened for a few hours. Shivering in the cold air of the bathroom, she made her way on unsteady feet toward Elphaba and the door, longing for the warmth and comfort of her bed. As she drew level with her friend, she glanced up at her with pleading eyes.

”I don’t want anyone to know about this. Don’t tell anyone, please. I don’t want them to look at me with different eyes.”

_I don’t want you looking at me the way you are now either, but I suppose its too late for that. I will always be a victim in your eyes._

She didn’t want the police involved, she didn’t want any of her friends or her sister involved, she didn’t even want Elphaba involved. Indeed, if her roommate hadn’t come home when she did, Elsa would never have told her what had happened and would have made up some story about the bruise on her cheek.

"I won’t— I wouldn’t," Elphaba assured her, with nothing but the utmost sincerity lacing every word, every subtle way in which she tried to show her sympathy, though the shock of this tragic turn of events had set something in motion deep within her. Guilt stirred by frustration, and the irrepressible need she, the oddly broken soul had always possessed to want to make everything _right._

There was nothing she could do now. Nothing but allow for time to pass, and hopefully that alone would ease some of her friend’s pain. The internal and external wounds would become scars, and perhaps they would fade over time. She had to be patient.

 

“I need to sleep. Will you help me to my room?” Elsa asked quietly. 

With a shaky intake of breath, Elphie gingerly brought an arm up to wrap around pale, shaking shoulders. She winced, not wanting to touch the girl out of her ever present reluctance and this new, awful knowledge that Elsa was barely holding herself together. This could break her completely, if she wasn’t careful.

"Come on," she murmured, brows knit into a frown as she moved to shove open the door, reaching blindly to switch on the lights in the hall. In her mad dash to the bathroom she had neglected to do so, for she had been far too panicked to think straight, and the last thing either woman needed was an ill timed accident caused by the forgotten flip of a switch.

Though she could see Elphaba move to wrap her arm around her shoulders, Elsa couldn’t help the small gasp of fear that she tried to bite back at the physical contact and her body shook uncontrollably, her posture stiff as she used all her iron self-control to keep herself from falling apart. 

 _Its only Elphaba..._ _she isn’t going to hurt me,_ she reminded herself, making her way down the hall on legs that threatened to give way at any moment. 

Once the pair were safely within the confines of Elsa’s bedroom, the green woman set about fetching clean clothes from any drawer she could lay her trembling hands on, setting them neatly on the bed where they lay waiting. Elphaba strayed, lurking in the doorway with an odd rigidity about her that seemed to visualise her eternal struggle — should she stay, or was her presence unwelcome

Elsa stood shivering and silent in the middle of the floor, watching as Elphaba moved about the room. Though her eyes were glazed over and her gaze far away, she could see the uncertainty in the green woman’s posture and expression and she knew Elphaba was at a loss as to what to do to help her. 

”Stay…please,” she said in voice that trembled but otherwise betrayed no emotion. "I don’t want to be alone.” 

It wasn’t entirely the truth…she wanted to be alone so she could let go of the fear and rage that threatened to choke her, but she also wanted the comfort that Elphaba’s presence inevitably brought. 

Moving toward the bed, Elsa sat down carefully, the towel wrapped around her and her wet blonde hair falling around her shoulders. Trying to pull the thick, soft sweater over her head, she found that her shaking hands made it almost impossible. She managed it in the end though, the cotton clinging to her damp skin. The underwear and sweat pants proved more of a challenge and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out at the pain, tears forming in her eyes as she silently cursed the man who had reduced her to this quivering mess. Slipping under the covers, she pulled the blanket up to her chin but she couldn’t relax nor could she stop the tears from slipping down her cheeks and dripping from her nose on to the pillow.

"Of course I will stay..." Slightly pointed fingernails dug into the woodwork of the door frame in a silent response, leaving crescent marks embedded as Elphaba removed her hand. Her own voice sounded far off, as though she hadn’t physically accepted Elsa’s request, and she turned slowly to re-enter the room fully. With the door clicking shut behind her, she quietly padded across to her friend’s side, though she stood, remaining stuck and eternally unsure of herself, eyes averted until the other woman had dressed and slithered under her sheets with obvious pain.

Dark irises darted back and forth between the edge of the bed and the chair that sat tucked halfway beneath the blonde’s desk, narrowed and searching, feline in the way that she barely seemed to blink. Eventually Elphaba shifted, settling herself on the very edge of the mattress beside Elsa’s trembling form.

 _'There has to be something you can do,_ ' she berated herself internally, the helplessness searing through at an unbearable level as she watched a lone tear streak down pale skin before meeting it's end in the fabric of the pillow she rested on.

With a hitch in her breath, Elphie sidled closer. Not near enough to touch the other, but close enough to let her know she was there, if her presence could even be considered a truly comforting one. Her heart sunk, her finger tips stinging as though she had already attempted to remove any burdensome tears. “I’m here,” she hissed lightly, gaze fixed firmly on tangled damp white blonde hair. “If you need me.”

Ever aware of Elphaba’s movements, even in her own distress and pain, watery blue eyes watched the green-skinned woman carefully. In the face of her humiliation and torment, the presence of her friend was a mixed blessing, bringing added shame, but a measure of comfort as well. 

Her hands clenched and unclenched as trembling fingers picked at the loose threads of the blanket, a nervous energy coursing through her bruised body that made rest seemingly impossible. The immobilizing and mercifully blank shock of minutes prior was gone, leaving anger and terror in its wake. 

“This is all my fault,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.  ”I was going to wait for you to get home so we could go out together, but I decided to head out early, and text you later.” 

_Stupid stupid stupid..._

Letting go of the blanket, she reached out toward Elphaba, pallid fingers cold and trembling as she sought the other’s hand. Gripping an emerald palm with crushing strength, she opened her mouth — wanting to vent and spill all her frustration and boiling anger, but at the same time, wanting to keep what had happened as private as possible. Torn between conflicting emotions and the pain that made her want to cry out at every movement, she clenched her  jaw shut tightly, putting every ounce of devastation and loss into the grip of her hand and the expression in her eyes. 

”He took  _everything_ from me,” she all but hissed. " ** _Everything_** _."_

 

In any other circumstance, such a swift and unbreakable hold on any part of her would have made Elphaba spring back, alarmed and offended, but now she welcomed it — welcomed the bruising strength that was rife with despair, as though she could somehow take some of her pain by that touch alone. She couldn’t. But it was something, to know she was no longer deemed a source of fresh terror.

The pull of her hand forced her to move closer, so that she slid over the top of the sheets with an odd fluidity for someone so tightly sprung. Elsa’s whispered confession was enough to sting at her insides, and she willed back that stoic indifference she had become so used to. Elphaba could do nothing but tighten her grasp on the hand that latched desperately around hers, and she shook her head.

“ _Don’t ever say that_ ,” she breathed, horrified at the idea that anyone could be blamed for such an act other than the perpetrator.

"Whoever did this is entirely to blame," she continued, trying with all her might to keep her simmering anger locked behind the unnaturally soft tone she hissed through — but it was clearly there, burning in her eyes. Crackling and unnerving, and escaping in her whisper. "I’ll rip him apart myself. I swear it."

With that threat sliding effortlessly off her tongue, Elphie moved to sit as close as she dared, hunched protectively over her damaged friend, fingers gently stroking the back of a shivering pale hand.

Elphaba’s soft but vehement words did little to make Elsa feel better, though her eyes lost some of their heated anger and despair. In her rational mind, she knew she shouldn’t blame herself for what had happened, but that didn’t stop her from feeling that this was all her fault.  It was hard — knowing that if she had left the house a few minutes earlier or later, she could have avoided the entire situation. Or if she had taken a different route — or carried the pepper spray that they kept in the kitchen. So many things she could have done differently…

"I believe you would do just that, but there is no need. We will never see him again.”

_Or so she hoped_

Elphaba’s protective gestures were comforting and the exhaustion and pain made Elsa’s eyes begin to droop. Everything was a dull ache now that settling in her chest and in the pit of her stomach — the kind of ache that Elsa realized would probably never go away. With a heavy sigh, she curled in on herself, never releasing Elphaba’s hand as she willed her breathing to slow and her limbs to stop their incessant shivering. In the heavy stillness of the room, she eventually drifted off to a troubled sleep, occasionally twitching or whimpering as she battled the shadowy demons of her dreams.


End file.
